I have not meditated as much as I would have liked over the last month. The fatigue of the end of term left me feeling spent and sadly I did not summon up the discipline to meditate daily. I regret this, but at the same time I feel this is a process I had to go through and maybe next year, in the same position, I will respond differently. The wonderful thing about meditation and mindful breathing is that it is always there: it is the kite string that, though stretched far, still provides connection with the earth.
Today as part of my Meditation Through Writing course I meditated on my breathe and once it has slowed and deepened I visualised the doorway to my mind. It was a beautiful door, hand carved out of honeyed wood with beautiful round whorls from knots in the wood. It gleamed with polish and felt warm to the touch. At the top, in the centre, there was a hexagonal window with a stained glass panel. Brighlty coloured glass panes in the shape of a full sun radiated yellow and orange hues spilling onto a polished wooden floor beyond the threshold. This floor stretched out into a large, bright cool room. On the other side of the door tiled steps led down away from this room.
As I meditated thoughts came to me and I began to organise my thoughts. Some thoughts were not welcome – they brought strong emotions of anger, guilt and irritation with them. I imagined these thoughts as swirling balls of colour. Some thoughts I associated with intense anger were a dark and turbulent red. I held these balls in my hands and gently placed them beyond the doorway on the tiled steps. Other thoughts were welcome and these balls swirled in beautiful blue and green hues: I allowed these balls to float slowly across the the wooden floor of the room beyond the door.
Here are some of the thoughts I organised in my meditation:
- I am looking forward to the summer holidays.
- I am enjoying being with my parents and G.
- It is a beautiful, bright evening.
- I am excited about moving into our first house.
- I am looking forward to spending a long weekend with G’s family and friends in Holland.
Two of my colleagues have frustrated me over the last few weeks. I find their cliqueness and the way they gossip and stir up others frustrating. I also feel irritated by how obsessed they are with their self-image.
I need to let thoughts of these women and the emotions that accompany them go. I am tired and emotional at the end of term and have blown things out of proportion. When these thoughts come to me I will try to imagine the red colour of anger cool to blue or visualise letting these thoughts bounce gently out of the door.
I feel frustrated by my current level of fitness and the shape I am in.
In reality I know that I am in reasonable shape and have not put on weight. Due to tiredness I am focussing on the negatives and being hard on myself. When I have these thoughts I am going to try and focus on my breathing and the miracle of my body enabling me to take deep breathes and move freely.
These are some of the thoughts that came to me. The welcomed ones I allowed to stay in the wooden floored room; the unwelcome ones were gently ushered through the door out onto the tiled steps beyond.